


like you would

by ketsole



Category: Victorious (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Just a lot of emotions, Or is there?, no underage drinking in this one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:06:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27184946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ketsole/pseuds/ketsole
Summary: Beck holds her hand up, pressing his lips against her knuckles, lips parting but failing to produce any sound. When he looks at her sees an attempt at a smile on her face, but it’s so bastardized that he can’t even smile back.“Take some ibuprofen before you go.” She places a delicate kiss on his lips. She stands up and tucks stray hair behind her ears, eyes wandering. Seeing her in the darkness of the RV, she looks like a derelict god, grey and tired and all too accustomed to some kind of broken silence.Then she’s gone.
Relationships: Beck Oliver/Jade West
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey clowns
> 
> originally i wanted this to be just a one shot but because i am in university it would take a long ass time for me to put it up like that. so instead, i am doing it in chapters and then i think i'll put it all together once it's done. 
> 
> also: i don't beta my fics bc i just do not have time to so i am sorry if u see spelling mistakes i swear im not illiterate
> 
> also also: beck is a hard character to write bc we just dont get a lot from him in the show besides his interactions w either tori or jade and yall know i dont rlly care for tori so bare w/ me
> 
> also also also: like most of my fics, this is not very plot driven so if character driven stories aren't super your thing then this prolly isn't for u :))

**zero.**

At first there’s a little too much input.

The spring of sophomore year smothers Beck like a blanket. Plays and scripts and music and showcases and auditions and projects and exams and dates and parties and trips to the skatepark and a popped tire and a twisted ankle and a sick grandpa and failing his driver’s test not once but twice—

Some days he’s tired and a little too antsy for his liking, leg bouncing underneath his desk even though he wants it to stop, mind wandering to conversations he had weeks ago. Some days his friends talk a little too much or Jade doesn’t look at him enough or the grade on his paper is too low. 

The summer rolls around and he still feels like his shirts are too tight at the collar, some kind of nausea barely being held at bay. Beck’s always been a quiet person, apathetic at best, indifferent at worst. He chalks it up to his eyes, always saying more than he ever could, silence more of an asset than a weapon. 

No one thinks anything different about him, and if he wonders, everything feels normal.

  
  


**one.**

In July he goes on a trip with Jade and her family to Northern California. 

Her grandparents home rests on a huge property in the middle of nowhere, the forest dark and cool and inviting. In the morning they go swimming in a nearby pond, then during the afternoon they’ll go in the forest. Beck climbs the trees like he’s a child again, Jade always staying on the ground looking as if she’s a million miles away.

Beck will stare down at her, his heart racing like it might explode, arms and fingers throbbing with exertion as he clings onto branches and yells into the open sky. Briefly, he believes himself immortal, impossibly distant and removed from Beck Oliver, like someone else entirely.

Even from up above he can see Jade’s cherry stained smile.

  
  


**two.**

Her hair is brown until one day, she decides it shouldn’t be anymore. 

Beck isn’t paying attention to the movie Sikowitz has put on the projector, fingers deftly braiding a bleached strand of Jade’s hair just like she taught him. One strand under the other, over and over until there’s nothing left. 

“This is so boring,” Jade hisses, eyes narrowing. “You already know the main character’s an irredeemable asshole who won’t even learn from her mistakes. Nothing tragic is even going to happen to her,” 

Beck is all too focused on the third braid in his fingers but he catches Jade’s scowl and has to resist the urge to laugh. “I think she commits tax fraud in the third act.” 

“What _ever_ ,” Jade clearly doesn’t think it’s enough. Then; a rueful grin flashed at him, her own fingers toying with the thin chain at Beck’s neck, a slight tug at his ear lobe that gets his attention. “Let’s get out of here,”

The formulaic _we’ll get caught_ is on the tip of his tongue but then he realizes Sikowitz is dead-asleep at his desk, as are a good third of their classmates including Cat and Robbie. Andre’s very obviously doodling on his arm with a pen and Tori’s somehow diligently paying attention. Beck and Jade are sitting at the back of the classroom, backs practically to the wall, the door only a few feet away. It’s the last period of the day, and before Beck’s even said anything he already knows they’re going to leave.

Jade’s grin gets wider, her bag already slung onto her shoulder, eyes the kind of bright he’s never been able to resist. 

【ｘｘｘ】

They’re making out on her bed, his hand on her thigh as he leans over her, Jade’s fingernails pressed a little too deep into his back as she pulls him closer. 

Beck doesn’t mind. 

They don’t speed up or slow down, everything so perfect that Beck is shocked he even considered staying at school. Lust and love are so cloying his cheeks almost hurt, and wonders if he was even alive before he met her. Everything is fine, until Jade’s hand shoots up to his chest, pushing Beck back up.

His heart skips a beat. “What? What’s wrong? Wanna stop?” 

“Mm, we can continue later,” Jade sits up and swipes a thumb across his chin, wiping off lipstick. Slowly, he follows her eyes as they wander from his chin, then linger on his lips, then lazily look up until they’re staring at each other. Her cheeks are flushed and suddenly, his are too. 

“Help me with something?” 

【ｘｘｘ】

Black water runs down the bathtub and into the drain, an empty kit of box dye lying discarded on the bathroom floor. 

While Jade rinses the dye out, Beck’s at the sink, scrubbing his hands to try and get rid of the black stuff that seems embedded in his palms, now suddenly a permanent part of his fingernails. By the time Jade’s washed and dried her hair, he still hasn’t managed to get the dye out. 

Later, they do homework together at a park near her house, dirtied converse tapping against doc martens underneath a picnic table. 

Beck hasn’t been able to get a single thing done, gaze hyper focused on the splotches of color on his hands. Jade taps Beck on the forehead with a fingernail, cocking her head to one side when he looks at her. “What’s wrong? Did the fumes from the dye fry your brain cells?” She follows his gaze down to his hands. “Oh. It won’t kill you, you know. ”

He smirks, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I know,” He says softly. “But hey, now I’ve dyed with you.” 

Jade snorts, newly darkened hair almost looking like an oil slick in the setting sun. “You’re so fucking corny,”

The sun slowly creeps down the sky, and Beck feels his throat tighten.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monday morning she runs a thumb under his eye, traces dark circles that are starting to feel permanent. 
> 
> “I thought I told you to sleep,” She says, voice low. 
> 
> “Sounds like a threat.” Beck smirks, but he knows it doesn’t reach his eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this is def gonna be a few chapters lmao and then i will combine it, or u can also comment wether u think it should be diff chapters

**three.**

Sometimes Beck forgets what day it is. 

He’ll stare out the windows during class and forget that he’s at Hollywood Arts in his music composition class, the sound of instruments going from melodic to a little unwanted. 

It’s...odd to say the least.

Even though he’s never had the same talents or genius that his friends have with music, he’s had the affinity. His heart always tugs at other things Hollywood Arts had to offer, (directing and acting and script writing, because he _knows_ his words are never enough) but he’s always enjoyed music. 

The kid next to Beck shows him something dirty on the synth, a beat that has her fingers moving fast, eyes even faster. Her head lolls in a way that reminds him of Andre when he writes things on the piano, a connection so deep to the sound he’s producing that it feels like Beck’s intruding on something bordering on religious. 

“I call it All Kill.” The girl says quietly, putting the headphones around her neck. “It’s about how we as a society fail to acknowledge our primal instincts and that’s why we’re so prone to being terrible people. The girl who’s gonna do the lyrics says it just makes her wanna get laid.” 

Beck smiles awkwardly and turns away, pressing a palm to his ear even though there’s no sound coming through his earbud anymore. He thinks that Cat and Jade would like this song, he thinks that he probably would have, before.

Now it's just shrill, now he just wants _out out out_ —

【ｘｘｘ】

“Cat fell down some stairs.” Jade says over the phone, voice lacking urgency. “Come help?” 

Beck hangs up and gets out of his car. The Hollywood Arts Showcase is late at night, and he makes his way through the dark to where Cat and Jade are backstage. Cat’s sitting on some steps, flushed cheeks hinting at the fact that she was probably crying before Beck got there. Jade’s sitting next to her, hand rubbing slow circles on her back. 

“When are you supposed to go up?” Beck asks.

“Ah, shit,” Jade runs a hand through her hair, bottom lip pinned under her teeth. “I gotta go. Stay with her?” 

Before he can answer, she squishes his checks and gives him a kiss, calling out a thanks as she runs off to the stage. 

Beck sits down next to Cat, places an arm around her shoulder. “Feeling better?’” 

Cat nods, eyes on anyone but him. “I didn’t fall down that many stairs.” 

Beck squeezes her shoulder, mimicking one of the things he’s seen Jade do whenever Cat gets quiet and a little sad. 

“Well you’re awfully quiet today,” Beck smiles gently.

Cat glances at him, then down at the band-aids on her knees, black and tan and not at all the kind of colors she would choose. Jade must have given them to her. “You talk less than I do,” Cat mumbles. 

“Cat,” Beck laughs. “We’ve known each other for over two years. I’m not that much of a talker, you know that.” 

“Yeah,” Cat says reluctantly. She brings her legs up to her chest and tucks her chin in between her knees. “But at least you used to smile more.” 

Cat starts to cry and Beck can only hug her, unsure of what’s wrong but not knowing what to ask. When she stops, they sit in silence for a while and Beck finds it isn’t awkward. There’s an understanding between them, something weirdly hopeless and silent. 

It feels eternally familiar.

Later, when they watch Jade’s performance he can’t stop thinking about what Cat said. It pulls him in all sorts of directions, turns his thoughts dull and acute at the same time, just like the song Jade’s singing. It’s sharp but intentionally sloppy, some parts auto-tuned to match the voice of another girl who’s rapping and ad-libbing alongside her. He can tell there’s vague innuendos, can match it with the way she’ll look at him from up on the stage, hunger written on her sleeve like it always has been. Beck stares at the stage, not really taking anything in except for how much he suddenly feels like he doesn’t belong here, shouldn’t be allowed to watch Jade pour her heart out like this.

All he hears is Jade repeating the same line over and over again, “ _i’d do it like you would, like you would, like you would,”_

【ｘｘｘ】

The performance ends and the crowd’s response is an appropriate, collective scream.

“Hi, yeah, thanks,” Jade says into her mic then saunters off stage, combat boots pounding against the wooden steps. She heads over to Beck and Cat and puts an arm around both of them, pulling their heads in close. Beck can tell by the stupid grin on her face that the adrenaline of being on stage is still running through her veins. 

“Was it good?” She asks, the metal of her rings scratching against Beck’s collar bone. 

“Great,” Cat musters.

“Yeah, I uh,” Beck stumbles on his words, tongue suddenly too thick. “Good.” 

He catches her eyes then, sees the sudden flash of hurt and disappointment. “Jade-” 

“Whatever, I could’ve done better,” Jade says, shaking her head as if it never happened. “Let’s go do something. What do you wanna do Cat?” 

Beck wants to say that no she did great she always does great they all always do so great and why is everyone in this damn school so good at everything and so perfect and he’s always left behind with nothing to show for _anything_. The jumbled string of thoughts comes out of nowhere, awkward and tangled and a little painful. He pretends to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand, afraid that he might actually speak.

Neither Cat nor Beck answer Jade’s question, so Jade ushers them into Beck’s car and takes them back to her house. They order Chinese, then watch an old tape recording of The Phantom Of the Opera on Broadway, something so boring that it surprises Beck. 

“I didn’t know you liked this kinda stuff.” Beck says.

Jade motions to the couch where Cat is lying down. “I don’t,”

Cat’s asleep on the couch, unchewed popcorn still in her mouth.

Beck and Jade are pressed together on the floor, backs to the couch. He suddenly feels he should do something, wrap an arm around Jade’s waist and kiss her, tug at her ear lobe and make her laugh, anything so he can make sure she’s not angry at him. He snatches a glance at her, and sees she’s focused on the TV, expression unreadable in the dark. He opens his mouth, tries to muster up anything worthwhile, but eventually she also nods off, head falling onto his shoulder. 

Beck stays still.

【ｘｘｘ】

Beck doesn’t go to sleep, his brain overloading on the idea that Jade might be angry at him. When he’s back home he calls her, ambulating around the RV to try to calm himself down.

“What is it?” Jade grumbles, clearly half-asleep. “It’s like four in the morning,” 

“Jade, I didn’t—” Beck panics, stops pacing around the RV. “I didn’t mean what I said. Your song was great. Really, I loved it. I was just a little...” Beck pauses, unsure of where he was even going with all this.

“Distracted? It’s fine, Beck. Just go back to sleep.” Jade’s voice softens, but he’s sure he hears her hesitate. “You’ll be tired in the morning.” Then, “You know I don’t care. About the stupid song.”

The worst part is he knows she does.

He hangs up anyway.

【ｘｘｘ】

Monday morning she runs a thumb under his eye, traces dark circles that are starting to feel permanent. 

“I thought I told you to sleep,” She says, voice low. 

“Sounds like a threat.” Beck smirks, but he knows it doesn’t reach his eyes. 

【ｘｘｘ】

During music composition Beck falls asleep, Jade's “ _l_ _ike you would, like you would, like you would,”_ engrained in his mind.


End file.
